Oil Job Description

Entah mana tah dapat ni dulu, dah lama dah dapat dalam tahun 2008 kot. Semua cerita ceriti ni hanya untuk sedikit lawak jenaka atau lebih kepada lawak sindiran la. Ada yang betul ada juga yang banyak2 tambah. Malas nak translate kedalam bahasa melayu, ini pun type sebijik2 sebab x jumpa dah link yang awal. Cuma jumpa kat email jek.

Mula2 nak cerita pasal Mud Enginners jek la dulu. Sapa2 yang dah dalam oil and gas terutamanya drilling side memang dah tau apa kerja mud engineers, untuk sapa2 yang tak tau boleh la guna Dr Google ya.

Mud Engineers – Job title deceiving. They are not really engineers. However they are good talkers and commonly excellent liars. Their job is to play with the drilling fluid and from time to time recommend a recipe to add to it, but because of his title most people think he is smarter than the people he works for. The derrick hand carries his load for him. He has worked on every rig in every company’s fleet. Worked deeper, hotter, colder, flew higher, flew lower, taken the worst chopper ride, taken the best chopper ride and so on and so on. Just ask him if you don’t believe it. Dont expect to get the true value of anything from him. You might as well make it up yourself because it’s what he does anyway.

MWD Engineers – Generally, have too much education and not enough common sense. Very few are married and the ones who are never talk about their wives. They never laugh and talk very little but bullshit endlessly in obscure MWDese. Their silence is cover for the disgust they have for themselves for the waste of time and money they have spent in education only to find some schemie makes 2-3 times more money they do on the rigfloor. When sex is brought up, they walk away or relapse into corner to read Loaded, GQ or some other ‘lad’ mag. You never see one over the age of 45 and no one seems to know what happened to them (hint: They usually become teachers). They watch too much television and worship the ground that some beardy folk musician or bands walk on. They always drink real ale and discourse excessively upon the subject of rigger or cricket. They look and behave like renegades from top Gear. Their activity level may perk up from that of somnambulistic dubious screen watcher to mere interest when there are problems with their equipment but they have the geological bug of being totally incapable of giving a definitive answer without resorting to if’s, but’s,  maybe’s and chapters 4.5 and 6 of the MWD Book of Excuses.

Pic of the best ever Mudlogging Unit.

Mudloggers – Strange individuals. Just past being students but still yearn to be back at uni. Educated enough to wake up in the morning, but guilty of doing the stupidest things. Invariably wear weird clothing and have at least one piece of scrap metal pierced in them somewhere and at least ane tattoo. Always have weired hair. They all look like renegades from Time Team without the Wurzel Gummidge accent or the Dr Mick barnet and jumper(though some have all the above). May be working on a video project/writing a book/mixing a record/an eco-warrior in their time off. The women are even worse and manage to do even less whilst getting uppity about wummin’s right. The fact that every bloke on the site is trying to tap off does not escape them and they use this whilst proclaiming the sexism thang should they be challenged after fucking up whilst doing something practical. They never tap off with anyone below toolpusher level. They think the Geologist run the oil patch and think they can do better than the geologist on site. Have very pale complexions and are Geologist wannabees. When they finally realize that they do not have the level of bullshit required or the Oxbridge first they become MWD or Mud “Engineers”. Always say that they will call you back when ask for a definitive answer.